Closets - How to Get Out of Them

Coming out, when one thinks about it, is not about the hope that others will accept you. It isn't even about aiding the community. We, of course, hope the first becomes reality. The latter, though wonderful, is a mere side-effect.

Coming out is all about you: learning how to accept yourself for who you are, eliminating internal divisions as to labels and self-identity, etc.

At first though, we can't see that and nothing seems worse than the fear and anxiety related with coming out. Dozens, hundreds of questions run through our minds: "Will my same-sex friends assume I'm interested?" "Will my parents accept me?" "Will I still have friends after this?" Then comes the important one: "Is it worth it?"

The answer is an unequivocal "yes." However, this is not to say it needs to be shouted from the roof tops. Some ways of coming out of safer than others, and though blurting out "I'm gay" may seem like a great idea at the time, most of the time, it isn't.

With that said, here are a few safe suggestions:

• Write a letter to the person you want to come out to. This allows for everything to be said, without interruptions.
• Pick a time when you're calm and able to sit down to talk about it. Answer any questions honestly without getting defensive.
• Slowly give hints. Talk about members of the same sex more often. This will give people a chance to adjust.
• Form or strengthen relationships with members of the LGBT community. They've been where you are and know what you're going through. Most likely, they will be willing to help. Don't be afraid to ask for their advice.
• Most importantly, never stop being yourself. This new label is merely a party of the whole. (This can and should be applied to all of the above.)

Unfortunately, some friends will walk away. Not all parents will be accepting. Very quickly a lesson will be learned: clouds hide amongst the rainbows.

Never fear, though. Some friends, the best ones, will stay. They might be gay, straight, bi, or trans. In all reality, though it doesn't matter. The worst is over. People know.

Still, there's a bit of nagging fear, doubt that you did the right thing. You have a new public identity, and are still struggling to fit into it. So show some pride. It can be subtle or loud. Either way, it shows you accept yourself, and if you do others will follow. Don't rush into relationships and allow time to adjust as a single person. Most importantly, don't worry. The times ahead may seem hard, but you survived this far, didn't you?

Remember, everything's going to be okay.